At this point I have made it back to where I started my college career. I tagged along with some of our incoming first years and had an amazing time. It is so weird because they all look so, well for a lack of a better word, young. So I sat down and started thinking about all of the things that I learned over the year. It truly is amazing how much has happened and how much I have changed.
When it comes to friends, I have always just had a little circle and hung out with them. That was completely changed this year. I started hanging out with a bunch of different friend groups. I fit in equally well even if the groups themselves probably wouldn’t get along too much. The best part about being a part of so many groups was that when certain “friends” stopped talking to me I wasn’t devastated. I wasn’t left alone. Each hardship was accompanied with a lesson and a reminder of who my true friends are.
I also learned a lot about forgiveness. It really surprised me when I looked back on this one because I didn’t realize that I had learned something. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It just means putting it aside and not bringing it up again. I have had to ask for forgiveness. I have also given forgiveness to people that didn’t ask to be forgiven. Sometimes it is easier to just brush it away than to let it sit on your mind and eat you away. It doesn’t mean you have to be chummy with the person. It doesn’t mean you have to talk to the person. You just let go, and move on. You don’t have to trust them again. You don’t have to give them a big part of your life. You act civil, hold your head high, and never let them hurt you again.
Love and relationships was also a big thing this year, especially just recently. I have been cheated on, been the person that someone cheats with, and regrettably been the person that cheated. It hurts to be cheated on. It kills. The guilt of cheating on someone was just as bad though. I still haven’t been able to forgive myself but I have moved on from it. Being the “other person” was probably the dirtiest I have ever felt. I was able to get out of that situation before it went too far though. It is a position I refuse to be in ever again.
I found myself on lots of dates over the past year. They were nice because I was able to get a sense of what kind of guys there are out there. I don’t have a type so if anyone took a look at the people I dated they would be so shocked about the wide variety of people I have dated. But this really isn’t the life for me. Dating is to short term. I want something more than that.
That lesson took a very special person to teach it to me. Long story short, just to keep his identity safe, there was this kid. He was awesome. Cute, fun, entertaining, and just a great guy. We did a lot of talking one night. Let me tell you, the butterflies this kid gave me were so intense I swear I still feel my stomach doing summersaults. Sadly, I have done bad things in my life and Karma finally decided she wanted to get even with me. He has someone else in his life and I couldn’t be happier for him. What I did learn in this story though was that maybe I haven’t lost all chances at finding a good guy. That one really great guy back from high school wasn’t the only chance a true happiness I have. After meeting this kid I haven’t been able to return to my usual dating scene. I can’t even begin to think to open Grindr anymore. OKCupid is still installed on my phone, but I could care less about it. It took me about two and a half years to find someone who thawed out my frozen heart and soul. Maybe it takes two and a half more years wandering the streets of the single life. Maybe it takes ten years. Maybe it takes a good sixty years and I upload my conscious into a robot and find another person and we hack into the system and rule the world side by side as robot overlords that are madly in love with each other. They say that everyone has seven perfect matches. I have found two of my seven already, but that means that there are still five more out there waiting for me to find them.
For now I will stick to healing. I might be stitching my heart back together at this point, but I’m not forgetting to stitch hope into it this time. I think that is why there are people out there that have cold hearts. While rushing to put their heart back together they forgot to put hope in there. So keep hope in your heart, because somewhere, somehow, your prince or princess is out there waiting for you. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to show up at the grand ball.
kylesstlcopadventures 